I enjoy quiet time just as much as the next person, but lately I feel like we’ve been shushing our kids a little too much. Mostly, I’m talking about when we’re out in public. While I agree, we need to teach our kids the so-called rules of engagement when out and about, constantly asking them to quiet down just gets plain old. Yes, I want to teach my children to use their “indoor voices” and use their manners when we’re in restaurants and the like. It just seems to me we have become a bit intolerant when it comes to the everyday sounds of our children.
Honestly, unless a child is having a flat out screaming tantrum, I enjoy the many sounds of children. I realize though, this is not true for everyone. I vividly recall an instance when I was faced with the rude awakening that not everyone thinks my child is as cute as I think he is (the nerve).
Anyway, there we were, my 3 year old son and I doing the grocery shopping. I was just happy to have only one child to wrangle into the shopping cart. Armed with my list and a toy train to keep him occupied, I felt well prepared that we’d get through this shopping in a breeze. My son was happily making train sounds while I was focused on my list and the task at hand.
Was he being loud, yes, a little. Was he disturbing the peace? No, I don’t think so. Was he happy? YES…so… I was too. We even passed a few smiling faces down the aisles, picking up our goods. One woman even cooed…oh, he’s so cute. Yes he is, thank you (I thought).
Almost done and no tears, no whining, no complaining…just train sounds (woo..woo..all aboard!). We stopped to pick up some yogurt and apparently startled a woman contemplating between dannon and yoplait. “Oh my”, she exclaimed and seeing as we had startled her, I asked my son to lower his voice…see I’m sensitive to that.
But the train sounds continued, much to this woman’s dismay who then turned to her friend and loudly said, “that is so annoying”. Okay, I turned to walk away because as anyone who knows me will attest to, I do not like confrontations. But, I stopped, blood boiling, trying to remain calm and felt compelled to reply, “I’m sorry, please do no not talk to my son that way”. I don’t know what I expected her to say but she remained firm and replied “well, it’s loud and annoying”. I retorted with “he’s three years old and making train sounds for goodness sake!”
We both turned our separate ways, I wasn’t sure I had conveyed the right message to my son. I was still a little shaky from having had that confrontation. But it got me thinking…who was in the right? Here I was a mother with two young children just trying to get the grocery shopping done and to me, it seemed to be going smoothly. To her, we were a nuisance…”loud and annoying”.
So you see, can’t kids just be kids anymore? I try to respect other people’s need for quiet and privacy, however, we were not at the library, church, fancy restaurant, or some other place they frown upon when kids walk in. We were in a grocery store for heavens sake and all I really wanted to say was this: ” geez lady, do you really need quiet while picking out your yogurt?” Apparently, she did.
So tell me, what do you think? Has our society become more intolerant to the “sounds” of children? Have you ever had a confrontation when someone thought your child was being too loud, if so, what did you do? Please share, it would make me feel a lot better 
We were kind of talking about this today, joking about how some people seem to wish we were returning to the “children should be seen and not heard” days of yore. I would have spoken up, too; what kind of message was SHE sending, you know?
We were kind of talking about this today, joking about how some people seem to wish we were returning to the “children should be seen and not heard” days of yore. I would have spoken up, too; what kind of message was SHE sending, you know?
Yeah, I agree, I think there are some people out there who wish that…and it honestly irks me. And in retrospect, I am so glad I spoke up…I hope it made her think too.
Yeah, I agree, I think there are some people out there who wish that…and it honestly irks me. And in retrospect, I am so glad I spoke up…I hope it made her think too.
We were on vacation in Europe a few years ago and we had our 5 oldest children with us ages 7 to 16 (before our youngest were born). We were walking around Nuremburg Germany, outside on a beautiful day and they weren't being loud or disruptive but a very rude person made the comment, in English, “typical loud American family”. I couldn't believe it! Some people just have no tolerance for children or the sounds they make. My youngest daughter was quite upset about this. Do these people think our kids can't hear them? Wow. I just replied back to them “how rude of you” and walked away.
We were on vacation in Europe a few years ago and we had our 5 oldest children with us ages 7 to 16 (before our youngest were born). We were walking around Nuremburg Germany, outside on a beautiful day and they weren't being loud or disruptive but a very rude person made the comment, in English, “typical loud American family”. I couldn't believe it! Some people just have no tolerance for children or the sounds they make. My youngest daughter was quite upset about this. Do these people think our kids can't hear them? Wow. I just replied back to them “how rude of you” and walked away.
It seems to have become more acceptable to disrespect others in our society, which I think is sad. Your grocery store example is in an area where it hurts the most because it involves our innocent children. I am glad you spoke up to that woman. It is good your son heard you defend him, and hopefully, that woman will think twice before saying something so hurtful the next time.
we were out at a restaurant and my nine month old was making noises. nothing super loud, and not crying or anything….she was just babbling. and it wasn't a fancy restaurant…it was an applebees. there were people in the booths around us that were looking over and giving me “the eye” over it. really? my three kids are acting better than the table full of teenagers over there and you're giving ME the eye? in a place where there's a baseball game being played on the 15 tvs over the bar???? whatever. i understand that in certain situations and areas it is necessary to quiet my kids or remove them…but a family restaurant or a grocery store shouldn't have to be silent zones. if your son had been pitching an all out fit, that would be one thing…choo choo sounds are acceptable though.
People just need to stop being so jugmental! Kids are loud even when they're in great moods and playing by themselves. I just don't like how certain people will witness one “loud event” and assume that your child is naughty and that you are a bad parent for not quieting him or her. Especially if one is in a place where silence is not the status quo.
People just need to stop being so jugmental! Kids are loud even when they're in great moods and playing by themselves. I just don't like how certain people will witness one “loud event” and assume that your child is naughty and that you are a bad parent for not quieting him or her. Especially if one is in a place where silence is not the status quo.
Really? Train noises at the grocery store are fine! I can't believe someone would get upset about that.
I'm not sure I would have spoken up (mostly because I'm not so great at confrontation.) But I'm glad that you did! I'm always worried that my kids are too loud, but I realized that I don't mind the noise of other people's children. So as long as there is not yelling or screaming until they turn blue, I usually just let them make whatever noise they want. Although once, my kids were wrestling each other in an aisle at Lowe's while my husband and I were picking out lights or something. One employee asked if we needed a kennel for our kids. I just laughed, but now I'm wondering if he was serious.
Really? Train noises at the grocery store are fine! I can't believe someone would get upset about that.
I'm not sure I would have spoken up (mostly because I'm not so great at confrontation.) But I'm glad that you did! I'm always worried that my kids are too loud, but I realized that I don't mind the noise of other people's children. So as long as there is not yelling or screaming until they turn blue, I usually just let them make whatever noise they want. Although once, my kids were wrestling each other in an aisle at Lowe's while my husband and I were picking out lights or something. One employee asked if we needed a kennel for our kids. I just laughed, but now I'm wondering if he was serious.
You handled it awesome! I am afraid if it were me I would have been a little more harsh. I am more the sarcastic type so when you said you thought, “Does she really need silence to pick out yogurt” I would have been the one to blurb out..” I am sorry I didn't realize you needed complete silence to pick a yogurt!” then I would have walked away and probably called her a bad name…lol..thats just me. I am a completely different person these days and cannot stand rude people that just don't get it. I can recall one incident when I was on a plane flying solo with a 3 month old and a 3 yr old on a 6 hr flight from Cali to Chicago. My 3 month old was really fussy and I have to say there was a nice lady who offered to hold the baby while I put my bags in the over head and got my 3 yr old settled..I was like…”THANK YOU! You are a blessing” but as soon as I sat down and tried to calm my 3 mnth old the man behind me states, “Oh great this is what I have to put up with.” At first I felt guilty like wow..I am so sorry this bothers you sir. Then I was hurt at how some human could not sympathize with a newborn cry and then I just went to straight pissed and turned around and gave him the dirtiest look I could gather. Over the years unless my kids are being super annoying I don't find the need to apologize for their actions I will continue to let them be kids.
That lady deserves a slap upside the head! Seriously. Would she rather him scream and cry? Kids aren't meant to be silent.
That lady deserves a slap upside the head! Seriously. Would she rather him scream and cry? Kids aren't meant to be silent.
Good for you for speaking up! He may have been “loud and annoying” but she was just plain rude. Like you said, he's 3. She's an adult, so what's her excuse?
Good for you for speaking up! He may have been “loud and annoying” but she was just plain rude. Like you said, he's 3. She's an adult, so what's her excuse?
She's prolly loud and annoying when she's on her cell phone while in the middle of ordering at the local sandwich shop. We're all loud and annoying sometimes. People are just more intolerant of everything these days, I think.
Choo choo train sounds aren't a problem for normal people.
She's prolly loud and annoying when she's on her cell phone while in the middle of ordering at the local sandwich shop. We're all loud and annoying sometimes. People are just more intolerant of everything these days, I think.
Choo choo train sounds aren't a problem for normal people.
I must say that I've never had the experience of being shushed, dirty looks, etc, and my daughter is autistic so that is saying something! Just being the devil's advocate here…there seems to be nowhere that is off-limits to take kids these days (I know, I'm sounding like a geezer)…evening showings of R-rated movies, high-end restaurants, of course airplanes, stores, concerts, etc. Obviously in your example the women were being completely obnoxious, but sometimes I think its a boil over from all the other maybe more inappropriate places that there are kids.
Take it with a grain of salt…this is coming from someone whose mother wouldn't even let me and my siblings dine-in at McDonald's…and this was before the days of drive-thrus! She literally went inside, left us in the car, and carried out! So clearly I am damaged goods where this is concerned!
I must say that I've never had the experience of being shushed, dirty looks, etc, and my daughter is autistic so that is saying something! Just being the devil's advocate here…there seems to be nowhere that is off-limits to take kids these days (I know, I'm sounding like a geezer)…evening showings of R-rated movies, high-end restaurants, of course airplanes, stores, concerts, etc. Obviously in your example the women were being completely obnoxious, but sometimes I think its a boil over from all the other maybe more inappropriate places that there are kids.
Take it with a grain of salt…this is coming from someone whose mother wouldn't even let me and my siblings dine-in at McDonald's…and this was before the days of drive-thrus! She literally went inside, left us in the car, and carried out! So clearly I am damaged goods where this is concerned!
I ask this to myself all the time. The tolerance to children and their sounds is tied to our cultures and what is appropriate in one culture is not in another. The same applies to age, I guess. Perhaps this lady grew up being told that she was loud and annoying all the time and grew to dislike that so much that she takes the time to voice it at the grocery store. I do think she overreacted. Unless she never had children, I'm sure she knows that it's pretty tough to keep a little on quiet. Your post brought up a question for me also: Faced with the same situation, should I respond to the lady with the goal of letting her know she's overreacting, or should I respond with the goal of teaching my child how to address a person who is annoyed… Or both? Not sure what the appropriate response is here, but it's food for thought.
I ask this to myself all the time. The tolerance to children and their sounds is tied to our cultures and what is appropriate in one culture is not in another. The same applies to age, I guess. Perhaps this lady grew up being told that she was loud and annoying all the time and grew to dislike that so much that she takes the time to voice it at the grocery store. I do think she overreacted. Unless she never had children, I'm sure she knows that it's pretty tough to keep a little on quiet. Your post brought up a question for me also: Faced with the same situation, should I respond to the lady with the goal of letting her know she's overreacting, or should I respond with the goal of teaching my child how to address a person who is annoyed… Or both? Not sure what the appropriate response is here, but it's food for thought.
Omg!! That was outrageous!! I mean it's not like you were in a library and she was trying to read or something. She probably doesn't have any experience of raising or even being near kids. Or maybe she had a bad day. I agreee that asking your kids to be quite all the time irks them and soon may backfire right in your face.
Omg!! That was outrageous!! I mean it's not like you were in a library and she was trying to read or something. She probably doesn't have any experience of raising or even being near kids. Or maybe she had a bad day. I agreee that asking your kids to be quite all the time irks them and soon may backfire right in your face.
Some people are too intolerant. Unfortunately my hubs works nights sometimes and for years my kiddos have had to be shushed in their own home and use their “quiet voices”. It's gotten easier now that they are a bit older, but I feel badly. Thanks for stopping by my WW today. Hope you try the chalk. It turned out better than I expected.
Some people are too intolerant. Unfortunately my hubs works nights sometimes and for years my kiddos have had to be shushed in their own home and use their “quiet voices”. It's gotten easier now that they are a bit older, but I feel badly. Thanks for stopping by my WW today. Hope you try the chalk. It turned out better than I expected.
Thank you all so much for sharing and commiserating with me!
Thank you all so much for sharing and commiserating with me!
Unless a child is screaming I think kid noises are very cute, normal, and entertaining. This woman was clearly crazy. If the sound of a mini-choo choo train is enough to push her over the edge then she is without reason.
Stopping by from SITS. PS I enjoyed your About Me/how it all started.
Ugh, I had just posted a long comment and Blogger crapped out!
A very thoughtful post. I think it's largely situational – there's a time and place for all, and the grocery store is no place for someone to be that persnickety.
Ugh, I had just posted a long comment and Blogger crapped out!
A very thoughtful post. I think it's largely situational – there's a time and place for all, and the grocery store is no place for someone to be that persnickety.
You know, your child was behaving and doing a good job of keeping himself busy. That lady had the issue, not you.
You know, your child was behaving and doing a good job of keeping himself busy. That lady had the issue, not you.
I say let the little boy sound like a choo choo. Clearly that woman never had the pleasure of motherhood. Sad really.
WOW… I cannot say that I am surprised… but it is always disappointing that someone can be so rude and hostile… towards a child and his mama. She clearly is in her own misery… I think I would have encouraged him to yell, “All Aboard!” Great post.
WOW… I cannot say that I am surprised… but it is always disappointing that someone can be so rude and hostile… towards a child and his mama. She clearly is in her own misery… I think I would have encouraged him to yell, “All Aboard!” Great post.
I enjoy confrontation! It makes me feel powerful. I open and run my big fat mouth at any given chance….I would have told her to shop somewhere else then:) goodbye!!!
I enjoy confrontation! It makes me feel powerful. I open and run my big fat mouth at any given chance….I would have told her to shop somewhere else then:) goodbye!!!
Our society is intolerant. And you reacted well. You taught your child that's it's ok to stand up to people who are being rude while they are picking out yogurt. Sometimes kids are annoying and sometimes they aren't. It all depends on the time of the month that you ask me this question. But honestly, I think it's great that you stood up to this person. Good for you!…and really “Woooo! Woooo!” is just not annoying, “Gimme gimme” maybe a little annoying.
Our society is intolerant. And you reacted well. You taught your child that's it's ok to stand up to people who are being rude while they are picking out yogurt. Sometimes kids are annoying and sometimes they aren't. It all depends on the time of the month that you ask me this question. But honestly, I think it's great that you stood up to this person. Good for you!…and really “Woooo! Woooo!” is just not annoying, “Gimme gimme” maybe a little annoying.
As the mom of another three-year-old boy who makes train sounds all day long (and I mean all day long), I can relate and probably would have reacted the same way … if I didn't laugh in yogurt lady's face first.
I think it's awesome you said something! As a non-confrontation person myself I constantly have to remind myself that if I let people treat my kid like crud then won't know how to stand up for himself when he's older!
Our society is definitely intolerant! I wrote a blogpost about this a while ago about a guy who got made at my well behaved child in a restuarant. He literally mouthed shut-up at my then 10 (or 11) month old! And my 10 month old was not out of control!
Found you through blog frog!
I wouldn't have said anything, and then regretted it for the next year. Good for you. I've noticed in our area that there are grocery stores that tend to have more family friendly patrons. I try to stick to those. You'll hear more “oh honey, I've been there, don't worry about the screaming” less “shhhh.” Thank goodness.
Hope crabby yogurt lady was searching for Activia – sounds like she's got something stuck up her bootie.
I wouldn't have said anything, and then regretted it for the next year. Good for you. I've noticed in our area that there are grocery stores that tend to have more family friendly patrons. I try to stick to those. You'll hear more “oh honey, I've been there, don't worry about the screaming” less “shhhh.” Thank goodness.
Hope crabby yogurt lady was searching for Activia – sounds like she's got something stuck up her bootie.
More moms need to speak up!
Children are only children for such a short time period….patience is a virtue, indeed!
Thanks for the much enjoyed post!
Cheers!
More moms need to speak up!
Children are only children for such a short time period….patience is a virtue, indeed!
Thanks for the much enjoyed post!
Cheers!
Interesting post.
I'm not a mom but I think I would have spoken up. Your son was just being a kid. I can imagine being mad at screaming but train noises? Come on!
Interesting post.
I'm not a mom but I think I would have spoken up. Your son was just being a kid. I can imagine being mad at screaming but train noises? Come on!