I was nauseous.
When I finally read the full Grand Jury Report on Sandusky and Penn State.
Then I started sobbing.
And more sobbing.
Such evilness hurled onto those children, and yet, that’s not the worst part.
So many other adults in a position to help these children…did nothing.
Nothing.
They did not stand up for those children.
Children who by nature are vulnerable. Children who by plain poor luck, were already from broken and dysfunctional homes.
Children who desperately needed someone to stand up for them.
No one did.
Instead, they were manipulated and abused; their vulnerability used against them. Hurt by a man who seems to be evil personified.
I struggled over whether I should write about this. So much has already been said and very well I might add. What could I possibly contribute aside from sharing my rage and sadness about it all?
In the end, I just could not remain silent.
I am, after all, a mother…a pediatrician…a person devoted to children’s health.
I’m passionate about advocating for children.
These children had no voice. They suffered in silence for so many years. It is only now, as young adults, that they are being heard.
It truly is our job to stand up for children. And by “our” I mean every living and breathing adult. Regardless of who that child is. If you are witness to or know of a child being abused in any way…it’s our job to stand up for them. There’s no excuse for not doing so. None at all.
Read this powerful article by Michael Reagan if you need any further convincing. Actually, read it even if you don’t. It most certainly puts any excuses for silence in the Penn State tragedy into perspective.
There’s no simple life lesson here. No method that will guarantee our children are protected from such evil. However, as parents, we must do our best to empower and educate them. The topic is scary and offensive but one we cannot ignore.
Here are some startling facts about child sexual abuse:
- 25% of girls and 10% of boys are sexually abused before the age of 18. And, these numbers are quite conservative.
- Most of this abuse occurs between the ages of 8-12 years old.
- In at least 80% of these cases, the abuser is known to the child and not a stranger.
Here are some ways to empower your child:
- Start with the basics and teach your child about private body parts. Admittedly, I still have some difficulty using the correct anatomical names for these body parts. It’s a personal preference and age specific discussion for sure.
- Tell your child that you are their safe person. As their safe person, they can come to you about anything. Anything. Make that clear. They will never get into trouble for telling you the truth.
- In addition, make sure your child knows there are no secrets from mom and dad. Regardless of what anyone (known or unknown to them) might say or threaten, they should not keep a secret. Reassure your child that you will protect them, and yourselves; and that by telling you any “secrets” they will remain safe.
- Make it clear that if anyone touches them inappropriately, they should tell someone right away. Preferably, it is you but if they feel immediately threatened they should tell a safe adult.
- Stay in tune to your child. Know where they are and who they are spending time with.
Read this from the AAP, Healthy Children website on Safety and Prevention regarding sexual abuse in children.
Also, this post, written by a New York District Attorney has excellent safety tips and has written a book that I’m looking forward to reading and sharing with my children when the time is right.
And if ever the old adage, it takes a village, were true…it is now. We should stand together as parents and watch over our children. Their children, your children…ALL children.
We need to be their voices. Their advocates.
We need to stand up for them.
The PSU situation makes me sick to my stomach. It really makes me wonder where else this has happened.
Those are all great tips. I think my kids are at the age where I need to start talking to them about this.
I know. Unfortunately, it’s not the first case of its kind.
I knew reading the grand testimony would be too much for me so I avoided it. These stats are mind blowing. This situation is beyond my comprehension, and that no one really stood up for these children….makes me extremely sad.
It was difficult to stomach. So sad.
I truly believe that when it comes to protecting children, we need to remember “if not us, then who; if not now, then when”. It’s sad that it takes an event such as this to make people take notice that this is a real problem…and it’s OUR responsibility – ALL of us – to do something about it. Thanks for sharing this!
Thanks for that reminder Stefanie. I love that saying. We do need to start taking a more proactive stance when it comes to protecting all of our children.
Teaching our kids about inappropriate touch does make a difference. I remember when I had a babysitter at a young age who made me uncomfortable — the only reason I knew to tell my parents was because it was taught in school at various times. I’m thankful for that. Even visits to the doctor are good opportunities to reiterate this important message. But as you emphasized so perfectly, our kids need to know we are listening, and that starts with demonstrating that today and every day.
Thank you for sharing Yolanda. Such an important point to impress upon our children, what is inappropriate touching and that they should always tell us about it. Yes, doctor visits are great for teaching that too!
Also, I’ve started telling my children that anyone who asks you to keep a secret from mom and dad is not a good person. No one should ask you to do that.
Thank you so much for this post. In reading about all of the protests of the community wanting to protect Paterno, all I can think is, who was there to protect those poor boys who were being abused? I cannot fathom how so many adults turned their shoulder on these poor children.
I think you have every right to write this post and I’m glad you did. Reagan’s article was powerful and true. We as adults must always protect the children. Always
And the sheer number of people that knew about this and overlooked it is scary. Courage to stand up seemed scarce
I’m glad you wrote about this – I’ve been feeling the same way – just sick about the whole situation. You offer great tips, and I read through the links you shared as well – thanks!
-Erica
Melissa, thanks so much for speaking out about this! My heart is hurting for these kids and angry at the same time because no one did anything! This can’t be swept under the rug and I applaud you for providing this forum!
Thanks Paula. Just heartbreaking this whole thing.
Melissa, I am really glad you wrote about this and brought the focus back onto ALL the adults that could have done something but instead thought it was easier to let these crimes continue.
I remember when I first started teaching I had to sign a document stating that I was a mandated court reporter, meaning that if I saw anything that lead me to believe a child was being abused in any way it was my duty to report it. I remember wondering what kind of person would keep silent and allow children to suffer? Now I know, the kind of person who thinks more of their job and office politics than they do of a life.
And thank you for the tips on empowering children.
You are right Dina, odd that we must be reminded about speaking up for children. We really do need to protect and empower our children.
Thank you for the great resources Dr. Mom. In my opinion, writing about this tragedy cannot happen enough. We need to be reminded that children–all children–need our support and protection. While flipping channels, I recently saw a psychologist try to explain why these people didn’t report the abuse–saying the horror sent these people into shock and inmobility. Ugh! I couldn’t be more disgusted that a psychologist was trying to come up with a “medical/brain excuse” as to why no one stood up for these children. I’m tired of the “excuses”–there’s no excuse for not protecting an innocent child! Thank you for this Dr. Mom. I’ll definitely be reading the articles you presented.
I hate this post. Not hate it as in your writing, but hate it that we even have to talk about issues like these. It absolutely breaks my heart and makes me sick all at once. I think the scariest thing is that so many children are abused by family friends and relatives. How can people be so broken within themselves that they then go and harm children – the most vulnerable among us? Obviously there is that much brokenness in the world – it’s very real, starkly real. It’s so, so sad. And unfortunately… these issues do need to be talked about. Thanks for some helpful tips and for lending your voice for our children who are still finding their own.