The red card. Also known as time-out, you’re done, please go to your room. Lately, it seems we’ve been playing this game a lot and frankly, I don’t like it. I’ve been keenly aware of the existence of the so-called sibling rivalry ever since I became pregnant with baby number two. Hearing stories here and there from my wiser and more experienced mom friends, I secretly hoped…”no, we won’t have this problem”. The thing is, I’m pretty sure it’s universal and we are in the midst of it.
I’ve never been crazy about that phrase “sibling rivalry”. It automatically puts the siblings on opposite teams, as in “rival teams”. I’ve always had these grand visions of our family working as a unit, as a team…cheering each other on. But my fantasy meets reality as I constantly find myself having to step in and mediate between the two teams in our house: Big Brother vs. Little Sister. I don’t want to do it anymore. So, I am making a concerted effort to take off that referee uniform and become more of a spectator. A neutral one at that.
Not that I’m going to flat out ignore them, but I think it’s finally time I give them a little wiggle room and see how things shake out. I had become so accustomed to stepping in, especially when little sister couldn’t verbally nor physically assert herself. Well, times have changed and apparently big brother has some payback in store! She’s our little firecracker and she lets her opinions be heard. So…unless someone is in danger or about to get hurt, let’s see if these rival teams can play fair sans their referee.
My hope is that, in time, they will come to the realization that they are, in fact, on the same team. I hope to instill in them a sense of camaraderie within our family unit. That no matter what, we are here for each other. We cheer each other on and take joy in each other’s accomplishments. We’re there in the wins and we’re there in the losses.
How exactly am I going to that? I haven’t the faintest idea. Hey, they don’t teach you this stuff in medical school or in pediatric residency. This, like most other parenting issues, is a hands-on, learn as you go adventure. I’m just going to take it one day at a time. For today, I’m hanging up that black and white striped uniform, grabbing a venti sized latte, and taking a seat in the stands.
So please, tell me, what are the siblings in your house up to these days? Are you past the days of playing referee or are you in the thick of it too?
I totally sit it out, but mostly because I'm a step-mom to the older two and try not to get involved in things like that!
I totally sit it out, but mostly because I'm a step-mom to the older two and try not to get involved in things like that!
I have 2 teenage girls still at home plus twin 4 year old boys, rivalry is just a fact of life here. I try to stay out of it unless someone oversteps their boundaries. Does this always work? No. Do we have ongoing rivalry problems? Yes. I just hope and pray that one day they wake up and realize they are family and family is what matters most. (Sorry posted before under dh's email! lol)
I have 2 teenage girls still at home plus twin 4 year old boys, rivalry is just a fact of life here. I try to stay out of it unless someone oversteps their boundaries. Does this always work? No. Do we have ongoing rivalry problems? Yes. I just hope and pray that one day they wake up and realize they are family and family is what matters most. (Sorry posted before under dh's email! lol)
We're not there yet but will be soon. Being a referee does not sound like any fun!
Thanks for sharing! Yeah…guess it's a fact of life. Here's hoping that through it all they do remember what matters most…family
I agree that it's good to see if they can sort through things themselves. And from what I've experienced, it ebbs and flows. They'll play so well together for a while, and then it seems like they are constantly at odds.
I agree that it's good to see if they can sort through things themselves. And from what I've experienced, it ebbs and flows. They'll play so well together for a while, and then it seems like they are constantly at odds.
Thanks Liz, glad to know I'm not alone. I see this too…some days they are so cute together and others…well just watch out!
We just went ahead and solved that problem by having only one kid!
I hope you find some resources among other parents, then maybe you can be the one to write the sibling rivalry handbook.
I have 19 month old twin boys. And I see the “rivalry” everyday. It's no fun. At this stage time doesn't work too well either:(
I imagined twins being BFF, but I guess that is not the case.
BTW, I'm your new follower:))
Looking forward to more readings and discussions.
I have 19 month old twin boys. And I see the “rivalry” everyday. It's no fun. At this stage time doesn't work too well either:(
I imagined twins being BFF, but I guess that is not the case.
BTW, I'm your new follower:))
Looking forward to more readings and discussions.
@Joey: Yeah that would take care of it, since we missed that boat maybe we should have one more…isn't the middle child always the mediator? 😉
@The Mommy: ooh, at 19 months…yes that's a tough stage. They don't really respond too well to “can you please use your words”, do they? Hopefully when they are older and better able to communicate they will become BFF! Thanks for the follow, looking forward to checking out your blog
I agree, I hate the term “sibling rivalry.” Do they have to be rivals? My boys are four years apart, but they still have their squabbles. And there are times when I think, why can't you two just get along? You're brothers! And then there are times when they are just so dang cute and sweet to each other, that it melts my heart. Most of the time, I just let them work it out. But there are times when I step in. And then it's usually time out, and detailed apologies to each other.
I agree, I hate the term “sibling rivalry.” Do they have to be rivals? My boys are four years apart, but they still have their squabbles. And there are times when I think, why can't you two just get along? You're brothers! And then there are times when they are just so dang cute and sweet to each other, that it melts my heart. Most of the time, I just let them work it out. But there are times when I step in. And then it's usually time out, and detailed apologies to each other.
Thanks for sharing Katherine, I like the term “squabbles” better.
I know, their really cute times (mostly) outweight the rest especially when they get each other laughing and they can't stop.
Practice. Screw up. Swear to do better. Make a plan. Do well once or twice. Parent tired and screw up again.
That's basically how I do it. No one has killed anyone yet and they still go into the front yard to play frisbee or softball together, without me telling them to. To me, that's success.
Hey, I'll take what I can get.
Practice. Screw up. Swear to do better. Make a plan. Do well once or twice. Parent tired and screw up again.
That's basically how I do it. No one has killed anyone yet and they still go into the front yard to play frisbee or softball together, without me telling them to. To me, that's success.
Hey, I'll take what I can get.