Well, I think the title pretty much says it all. This is not a riveting post by any standards, but something I have been struggling with all week.
And…I know, I said that word, that terrible, ever elusive…balance.
The idea of balance plagues me throughout all I do. Every.single.day.
And this morning as I look around my house and see piles of unwashed clothes, a floor that needs mopping, dishes in the sink from last night’s dinner, and paperwork from my son’s school that needs to be filled out…I honestly feel like I’ve failed in the whole juggling act this week.
Failed miserably.
I know I am not alone. I know this is nothing new. We all do this…don’t we?
It just makes me wonder and re-evaluate where I’m putting all my energy and focus and if I’m doing it right.
I wonder about my blog and my writing; which I love, don’t get me wrong. I have to admit though, ever since I’ve started, it’s been a bit of an obsession (though I like to call it passion).
This passion however has squeezed out other duties.
Duties such as, oh I don’t know, basic cleaning of the house, making sure I have dinner planned, getting important school papers returned on time, and (gulp) making sure I play with my kids.
Somewhere in between all that, I make my biweekly appearance in clinic and see patients.
It also would be nice to spend some quiet time with my husband after the kids go to bed. Unfortunately, I’ve been falling asleep right alongside them all week.
I love all that I do. Really, I do. I just don’t feel like I’m doing it all that well.
So, my dear readers, this is why I turn to you.
What do you do when you feel the weight of that ever elusive balance? How to you make room for the things you love (like writing and blogging) while still upholding your other mom and working duties?
I hear you – balance is hard to find. I am lucky to have a desk job so I can do some of my blogging and commenting in between tasks. It's nice. You know what helps us a LOT is having a housekeeper. Even before we had kids we used one because my husband is a bit messy and doesn't do laundry. It really helps so much. Our housekeeper washes all our laundry including sheets and towels – and arranges everything perfectly once a week. Oh and cleaning the cat litter box! I'd rather save money anywhere else than give up this help.
I have a hard time because sometimes I feel like I try to fit everything into the weekend. For me sometimes the best thing is for my husband to take the children for a couple of hours on the weekend so I can get all the cleaning down and then I feel better about just "having fun" and not so conflicted. I do the majority of my bloggy stuff after the children go to sleep which just means that I am…tired all the time!
Balance is hard. I dont' know if there is such a thing.
I completely understand!! Forgive yourself! When you spend time on your passion, you are leaving a legacy for the future! Dishes, laundry and life always need to be done, don't they? They'll wait!
I agree with kmcaffee. I think life will never be perfectly balanced, but some days/weeks/months will be better than others. I guess it's more about prioritizing and knowing what you can let slide from time to time. I'm cutting myself some slack while I'm pregnant, but I also worry about how much less balance I'll have once baby #2 arrives.
Oh, my…I have been here SO many times. And as I read around the blogosphere, I'm seeing more posts like this.
What do I do? I have to sit down and reprioritize. And that is SO hard. I'm working on a book on balance for women, and I'm still searching.
Well, let's see.
I started an online web & blog design business about a year ago & it has turned into a job (which I'm very grateful for!)
I'm terribly behind on clothes, I THINK the kid might have something clean to sleep in tonight & after he goes to bed I will be scrambling to get his clothes for the next week washed. The husband is on his own.
I am in the middle of vacuuming but I saw my google reader calling out to me with 280 unread blog posts from the last two weeks, because I've been so busy working!
And don't get me started on the dishes! Sigh….
You are not alone!
The never ending battle…
Once my kids are in bed at night, I just want to crash. I usually still do the dishes and a load or more of laundry…but after that, its to the couch I go with the laptop and some tv. I know I SHOULD work out (but who wants to do that at 9pm?), should tidy up more (its just going to be messy again tomorrow, right?)…but we need time for ourselves to rest or recharge our own batteries – or nothing else will get accomplished the next day!
I let the cleaning go which forces my husband to realize we need to bring in a cleaning lady. Problem solved!
I do have problems with balance also! We're human. I do think blogging provides a great outlet and is saving tons on therapy bills. I've really come to enjoy it and while it is an obsession, it's a constructive one!
I too am desperately seeking balance. I have no idea how to do it, despite trying my hardest.
I love blogging but I know it is a major time suck. And yet, I cannot stop blogging! So maybe I need to focus on my priorities instead of my balancing act?
You are not alone my friend!
i loved reading other comments… balance is something i struggle with every day. and i dont have an answer because most days i could have written that post myself. i recently realized that i dissolved into my family. someone gave me a gift card to a store and i kept thinking of all the great things i could get for my son, and then i was like "really? when did i turn into the person that doesnt even have any wants of her own anymore??" i have started focusing more that i used to on what's important for me outside my home, and i am trying to include some of these things into my daily routine. it may seem strange, but it does make me feel more balanced… more accomplished i guess.
sometimes i have to just step back and say, "the blog is getting neglected this week". which is easy for me since i have about 4 readers 😉 but, what i really mean is just letting things go from time to time in order to get things taken care of. and i try really hard not to get worked up about not getting everything done too! as long as my kids are clean (well, cleanish!) and we have dishes to eat off of, then we are okay.
I know exactly what you are going thru Melissa! Specifically with the blogging, I am so conflicted because I do feel that this is MY time and it should not be removed from the schedule. I don't watch TV during the day or play video games, etc. so reading blogs is my relaxing time.
I do a couple of things to TRY to stay on track;
I took a little blogging hiatus to get my self a little more prioritized. Life and family are the priority and I needed that time to remember that.
I write and schedule posts in advance so I don't feel the pressure of having to think of something quickly. It gives me a little padding.
As far as reading posts I set the timer for a break time and physically turn off the computer when I am done. This helps to avoid the temptation of peeking at one more blog…
I echo the comments above that this is an ever-changing sitch. Although this was a tough week, you may find that balance is easier in another week.
Hang in there Mom!
I struggle with balance everyday. I feel like I'm failing at nearly every moment, and any time I do anything, I'm sure there is something more productive I could be doing. Especially with mock oral boards coming up and my research project due to review next week, blogging feels like an extravagant waste of time. But I feel healthier and happier when I take time for myself. I've started limiting myself on which posts I'm going to read and comment on, and I only post maybe twice a week now. Reading the other comments had some great ideas – now I just need to figure out how to stretch our budget to get a house keeper.
I pay my teenagers. They have regular routine chores, but if there is something looming over my head, while I'm at the bloggy, I offer them money to do it for me. Like watering the garden, cleaning the fridge in and out, laundry.
When I was a teenager, I was offered money to wash dishes for a couple of bachelors in our apt complex. See if there is a young teen that could use a little cash?
Mostly, savor it all, as you can. Let the little things slide. Always have clean underwear, though.
~Heidi – outside Charleston. Not sure how I found your blog.
I think that we all struggle with this issue all our lives even after our children have grown. At this time of year when school is coming to a close, I feel a lot of pressure with finishing up preschool and spending the time in the evening with my kids. I think taking time to breathe, getting outside, making a new recipe or spending a 1/2 hour reading help me to clear my head. Breathing especially!!
Thank you for this post. Certainly, all moms feel the uncomfortable sensation of imbalance. I love all these suggestions. Maybe the underlying tone for most of the comments is that if you take true pleasure in whatever you are doing, maybe everything will end up OK… despite what we do to force a balance in our lives. And, get a housekeeper.
I struggle with that all the time. I know my kids are only little for a such a short season and really my interests can wait. Also, I want to stay engaged with the hubs. I've seen too many marriages fall apart when the couple begins to drift in different directions. But then I think of everything I do for everyone else and feel as if I deserve a little corner of the world all to myself. Right?!?
My suggestion: take a week off. Step back and see how things feel when you are not pulled away from the kids, the dishes and the hubs. Try to re-engage on all levels. And see how you feel. You may miss it more. You may find you could blog less and enjoy your family more.
Or you may, as I recently found, discover that you will somehow fill the time with something . . . . and still feel as if you have no time to spare.
Welcome to my world.
The double edged sword that blogging is.
Why should something so wonderful come without a price, right?
Anything good always has a price.
Children, a good marriage, a good vocation, there is a cost to that joy.
You don't spend time doing other things like golf, etc., so it's blogging for you.
You have to just let some things go.
Otherwise? Other than strapping on Depends and a feedbag, there's just not much else you can do.
You can't do it all.
It's life.
A full life.
The way I see it, before blogging, I felt so lonely and LONELY.
Now, yes, I'm short on time, my house is not the cleanest, but I AM HAPPY.
I have met friends.
There is a spring in my step, and self pride in what I've accomplished this blogging year.
I feel I am someone I was meant to be.
So, I'll pay the price of a dusty house with piles of laundry.
What good is a clean perfect home with a sullen, withdrawn mom in it?
Happy mom=happy home=happy family.
YOUR HOUSE LOOKS LIKE A BLOGGER HOME!!!!
Be proud!
Besides, misery loves dirty house company, so, yeah, glad to have you on the team!
We talked about hobbies that become obsessions in Sunday school yesterday. My husband look at me and mouthed the work blog.
We all go through this!
My priorities in life are my kids, husband, and my hobbies. My kids come first, because they are young. My time with my husband is every evening after the kids are in bed. I make sure to get them to bed by 8 on most nights, and then make my husband my #1 priority. Hobbies, even blogging, are important, too. They are what make us feel like more than just a mom or a wife!
Although I work to keep my house neat and clutter-free, I've learned to not focus on the cleaning as much. Our kids are going to grow up too fast, and guess what? Once they leave, we'll have plenty of time to maintain a perfect home!!!
I have no advice. None. But boy do I *ever* hear you and know what you mean!
Hang n there Mama!
And if you do figure it out? Share the knowledge- it'll be your next million!
XO
I am way behind the eight ball on commenting on this one, but I completely understand how you feel! I love my job, my kids, my writing, my friends, my extended family. And mixed in there somewhere is laundry, grocery shopping, Target runs, the dog, and paying the bills.
Most weeks, the important things get done. And since blogging has become a passion (yes!) in my life the things I let slide are the least important, if I can. Dust will still be there tomorrow, but a cuddle on the couch with my daughter may not be.
Ah! What a question.
I think I've been on an emotional pause button regarding blogging lately. It's not that I don't love it, and connecting with other bloggers, it's just that it's planting season and there are SO many other things going on in real life that blogging has been getting squeezed out. I don't have the head for it right now. So I don't have a good answer, but I've been there. In fact – I'm there!