Forget the Mommy Wars, Offer Support Instead

I was just thinking the other day how much I need my mom friends. The ones I’m fortunate enough to have in real life and the ones (you) who come here, read, offer support, share your stories, and commiserate at times.

All of you moms are incredibly important to me. It doesn’t matter to me whether you’ve breastfed or bottle fed, whether you are a champion of sleep training or prefer co-sleeping, or whether or not our parenting styles completely mesh.

What matters to me is that we are there for each other. We support each other and enjoy each other’s company. Besides, how boring would it be if we did everything the same? I’ve learned so much from you…from all of you.

You made sure I didn’t miss the upcoming soccer registration. It wasn’t even on my radar, but you kindly reminded me about it at gymnastics the other day. Seriously, I would miss so many sign ups and registrations dates if it wasn’t for you.

You sent me a text picture of my son at his kindergarten Thanksgiving party. I couldn’t be there, but you were. Your pictures and messages made my day at work go by easier and with less guilt. I wonder if you even know how happy that picture made me.

You graciously offered to pick up my son from school so I could stay and watch my daughter dance during her dance class. She was ecstatic to have me there. My son had a wonderful play date with your daughter and didn’t want to leave.

You encouraged my husband and I to start having date nights again. Your offer to swap babysitting nights really gave us the nudge we needed. Date nights are no longer a luxury of the past.

You answered every single one of my phone calls during my first couple of months as a new mom. As a recent new mom and pediatrician yourself, your words of encouragement and support got me through some really tough days.

You lifted my spirits and buoyed my mom confidence that day we met in the park. Your kind words about me and my son carried me through a particularly trying day.

Your comments that you leave here both encourage and inspire me to keep writing. To keep sharing these stories of motherhood because in turn, I get to hear yours.

Each one of you is an incredible mom friend. A friend who offers moral support and a helping hand. A friend who doesn’t judge me when my three year old is having a public meltdown. Why? Because we have all been there.

It makes me wonder why the so-called “mommy wars” even exist. Clearly, we are all bonded by the common thread of motherhood. We all just want to do what is best for our children and come out on the other side with our sanity mostly intact. Is it so hard to realize and accept that what may be “best” for one may not be for another?

There are so many paths to take along this motherhood journey. I just call myself lucky that I’ve crossed paths with some amazing moms who believe in their parenting choices but also believe in mine. The greatest gift we can give each other is support.

So I say, forget the mommy wars, offer support instead.

25 Responses to Forget the Mommy Wars, Offer Support Instead
  1. adriel, from the mommyhood memos
    March 7, 2011 | 4:23 am

    here here! and i love reading your blog because you are a doctor (read: smart, well-trained, and "have it all together") and yet you are real and vulnerable and help make the rest of us "normal" moms feel like we really are normal. :) i don't know what i'd do without my mom friends, both here in my hometown and across the world via the internet. talk about a huge source of support, encouragement, and fantastic tips!

  2. alison
    March 7, 2011 | 4:52 am

    sometimes, as mothers, our emotions run high and our opinions get the best of us. but i, for one, don't know what i'd do without my fellow mommies to help me out along the way! sounds like you have an incredible mom-friend support network….both in real life and online. count yourself VERY blessed :) and thank you for being a blessing to all of us. your words of encouragement and words of advice help us all out more than we could ever fully tell you. so, thank YOU!

  3. The Empress
    March 7, 2011 | 5:57 am

    I've always ALWAYS thought of your blog as a welcoming, open armed place to land.

    I know what you mean, I am buoyed by the "good" people I know.

    The ones who sound a tad "competitive," I'm gone.

    I just can't take more than that, you know. It's rough enough "in the real world."

  4. mommymommymommy
    March 7, 2011 | 7:27 am

    When I worked full-time, I had an incredible village of friends who helped me out. Now that I am home, I offer my support and help to my friends who need to work.

  5. The Mom Pledge
    March 7, 2011 | 8:22 am

    Amen and Amen! Great post, Melissa! Proud to see the Take The Pledge button here on your blog. You definitely personify it! Be sure to come add your button to our blog roll, and help us spread the word about The Mom Pledge!

  6. Lexie Loo & Dylan Too
    March 7, 2011 | 8:40 am

    This was a wonderful post! I completely agree, and the last line sums it up perfectly!

  7. Kristin
    March 7, 2011 | 9:18 am

    Love this post! You've got yourself a great group of mom friends. :)

  8. parenting ad absurdum
    March 7, 2011 | 9:35 am

    Well said! We all want community, we just need to open ourselves up to receive it!

  9. SmartBear
    March 7, 2011 | 10:14 am

    Hooray! What a great post! Let the Momma Support begin!
    Best,
    Tina

  10. Cheryl D.
    March 7, 2011 | 10:39 am

    The mommy wars are alive and well, unfortunately. While the majority of moms probably fall in the supportive category, there are too many that get satisfaction by putting down the mothering choices of others because they know they're doing it "the right way." As a mom to a special needs child who had public meltdowns quite often, I saw the judgmental looks and heard the judgmental view points.

    I'm so happy to meet so many wonderful moms in the blogging world though!

  11. Liz
    March 7, 2011 | 12:35 pm

    A to the Men! What is with the mommy war business! Why can't be all just get along?!?!

  12. Eat. Live. Laugh. and sometimes shop!
    March 7, 2011 | 3:41 pm

    I couldn't agree more!!! We are already our own worst critics, we certainly do not need more.

  13. Sherri
    March 7, 2011 | 4:21 pm

    Perfect, Melissa….well put.

    We are all in the same club, no matter what uniform or rules we adhere to. The Moms.

    And I say yay for us!

  14. angela
    March 7, 2011 | 6:34 pm

    Lovely! It is so true that we are so much stronger as women and mothers and a community if we support each other instead of critiquing other parenting decisions!

  15. Galit Breen
    March 7, 2011 | 10:56 pm

    A-freakin-men, Mama! Beautiful post, powerful message. I would expect nothing less from you. You always deliver! XO

  16. 30ish Mama
    March 7, 2011 | 11:35 pm

    Great post! I hate the judgmental remarks some mommies make. Aren't we all just trying to do our best for our kids? There is no need to make another mom feel bad about her parenting choices.

  17. Lady Jennie
    March 7, 2011 | 11:49 pm

    You have such great friends! I'm so happy for you. :-)

  18. Paula @ Simply Sandwich
    March 8, 2011 | 10:19 am

    Bravo Melissa! I loved this post so much and thank you for encouraging all of us to step up to the next level! :)

  19. Lauralee Moss
    March 8, 2011 | 10:38 am

    Well said! You do have nice friends. I have some like that, and some who enjoy the war. I am glad to have the buddies!

  20. Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds
    March 8, 2011 | 6:44 pm

    That's the truth! And you have enviable friends!

  21. Alex
    March 8, 2011 | 7:55 pm

    Awesome post!!! Us moms need to stick together!

    Couldn't have said it better myself :)

  22. Annette
    March 8, 2011 | 11:43 pm

    Wow, it sounds like you are very blessed with some great mommy friends. It sure does take a village to raise a child!

  23. Ameena
    March 10, 2011 | 10:16 am

    Absolutely! I wish that I could photocopy this and hand it out at my daughter's school. Seriously…some of those moms? Just scare me.

    I'm glad that you are lucky to have such good friends and I hope that eventually I will find more and more of them at my child's school too!

  24. Laura@OutnumberedMom
    March 12, 2011 | 2:19 pm

    This just may be my favorite post ever!!

    :0)

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