“Mom, you were mad.”
“Yeah, I was. Sorry.”
“You were scrunchy.”
“You mean grumpy?”
“No, scrunchy.” Little Sister scrunches up her little face then continues on brushing her teeth.
This was the conversation between me and Little Sister just moments after the incident that turned me into…well, apparently…Scrunchy Mama.
It was bed time and I was herding my munchkins upstairs. Big Brother was as rambunctious as ever chasing Little Sister around our room. I’m gathering PJs, when I hear a thud…then a whole lot of crying. I run over to see Little Sister sprawled out on the floor and Big Brother running away. Seeing as this was the third incident of its kind tonight and my patience was nowhere to be found, I pretty much lost it.
Scrunchy Mama appeared and yelled at Big Brother to go to his room. He didn’t move, just stared. “Just GO!” I yelled. And…I really yelled. If I was a cartoon character, my face would be red, eyes bulging, and steam coming out of my ears. I must have been a sight. Big Brother looked at me with his big brown eyes as they filled up with tears. The look he gave me was one of fear and confusion. It was like he didn’t even recognize me. Then, he quietly sulked off to his room.
The second those anger filled words left my mouth I wanted to stuff them back in. But it was done. I was immediately remorseful but it couldn’t be undone.
After tending to Little Sister, I went to Big Brother’s room and apologized for yelling. I hugged him and asked him to please go check on his Little Sister and make sure she was okay. He did and everyone seemed back on track again. But…my guilt remains because I fear he will remember this moment. My Scrunchy Mama moment when I lost my patience and couldn’t contain my anger.
I spent extra time with Big Brother during bed time, singing songs and cuddling…trying to erase his memory of Scrunchy Mama. While I know he went to bed peacefully and he knew I was sorry, I went to bed with a heavy heart.
If I could have one wish right now it would be to turn back the clock and tell Scrunchy Mama to take a hike or, at the very least, take a deep breath and turn down the volume.
What do you do when you feel you’ve lost your patience? How do you get back on track again?